End in Sight

I’m at what I would consider to be the ‘contradicting’ part of my pregnancy. Everything I think/feel can be debunked by the next emotion/thought that crosses my mind. Pregnancy hormones kicking in? Probably. Absolutely.

  • Days are being beat by a snail to the finish line while weeks seem to be flying: I can’t believe that we are quickly approaching the final days left in this pregnancy and yet most weeks by Wednesday I can’t believe it isn’t the weekend. I’m so tired of waiting, thinking today could be the day, or that pain could be the start of something. Stuck in between this ‘old life’ and ‘new life’.
  • Her kicking sometimes legitimately hurts and I find myself thinking I won’t miss the pain, while I am brought to tears by the fact that in a matter of days she will be in my arms instead of living safely inside my stomach.
  • Greg and I are starting to think each night ‘this could be our last night of a family of 2(+dog)’. Sometimes it makes my heart skip a beat and brings a smile to my face, other times it makes me want to curl up in a ball, put my head on his shoulder, cuddle Moose and dare time not to move forward.
  • I am starving 99.9% of the time and yet my stomach feels like it’s the size of a pea so after a few bites not only am I overly full but heartburn is real ya’ll.
  • I crave my ‘normal’ schedule, especially when it comes to my workouts and yet I know life will never look the way that it used to. There will be a new normal that will look drastically different that anything I could even imagine.
  • I’m ready for her to just be here and yet frightened of her actually being here.
  • Sleeping doesn’t happen much over an hour or so. Hips and back pain occur when I lie on my side (only way I can lay nowadays) and yet flipping isn’t something I can do while staying asleep and yet I know these pains will be transformed into feedings that wake me from my slumber every few hours.

And those are all just physical things…now on to the mental craziness.

I have always been an anxious person; childhood-teen-adult anxiety has never been something I haven’t had to fight head on. I vowed throughout this pregnancy to take a breath, relax and attempt to not stress so much for the sake of her and me. I feel as though I’ve done a fairly good job. I’m not like the pregnant woman in most Blockbuster films. I’m not shoving my face with ice cream at 2 in the morning, I don’t break out in a fit of rage when something doesn’t go my way, and despite what you might believe I actually don’t find myself crying into the pillow everyday over something small.

I’ve been proud of myself throughout this journey.

Yet, here we are at the end, and every thought about the upcoming arrival of our daughter that has been pushed to the side is becoming a reality and I’m finding myself unable to keep them at bay. I’m no stranger to pain (battling with kidney stones I feel like I have the right to say that) and yet knowing that I am quickly approaching more pain than I have ever felt before in my life is starting to freak me out. Going natural vs a c-section has never been a question in my mind and yet here I sit wishing there was a better third option because neither of those sound great to me right now. Judge me all you want, but yes I will take the drugs. All the drugs. But while sitting on the couch last night I suddenly realized exactly what that meant and panicked at the thought of a needle going into my spine. Never mind the fact that all of our family and friends that will be coming in for the delivery are no closer than an hour away, and because we have no idea when this all could happen I’m debilitated by the thoughts that no one makes it in time (while balancing the thoughts of having everyone here waiting around twirling their fingers, wasting time off because I have her a week and a half late). We have taken the parenting classes and while I feel somewhat prepared I can say I’ve taken more of the ‘ignorance is bliss’ mindset. I know what’s coming but I’d rather just not think about it.

Recently though… I’ve been thinking about it.

This has to be normal for all moms, first time or not, and I can’t for one second let my mind believe the lie that I am the only person to ever suddenly be worried/anxious/scared. So why am I sharing all of this with you? Part of me would love to say I’m writing this to let all the pregnant mommas our there to know they aren’t alone in their thoughts of fear. In reality this post is more for me to get it off my chest. To admit to knowing that while I have no control over much of the situation I also want to confess to believing it will work out the way it is supposed to.

Asking for thoughts and prayers as I go through the never-ending days and battle the physical/mental struggle that is called end of pregnancy.

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This is Life

Since finding out we were having a baby Greg and I have focused on planning for the future, investing, saving more, really being financially focused and smart. We want to get ourselves in the best possible position for emergencies in addition to having the sort of space that gives us peace of mind and freedom.

All of these things are good and yet… we realized we aren’t living. 

Throughout the events of the last month, we have come to realize we’re holding onto the reigns a little too tight. (When I say ‘we’ I mean ‘I’ since I’m really the one overly-concerned with financial issues.  Being a one income family right now, I feel like I can contribute by saving, couponing, and cutting back.) Things like hair cuts, nail days, any kinds of unnecessary clothing, date nights, going out to eat; these things don’t exist right now in our household. My heart is in the right place and yet I just don’t think this is the way life is meant to be lived.

Last week my cousin got married. It was a gorgeous ceremony overlooking a creek right by the mountains in Oregon, and we were there to witness it. We took on the financial expenses, traveled across the country to a place we had never been, and we lived. We wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else. Now am I saying we are going to travel the world, throwing money out the window as we go? Of course not! But I want to give ourselves the ability to remember the important things. As I sat there watching my cousin say ‘I do’ to the love of her life, with family whom I haven’t seen in years by my side, I had to smile as it occurred to me: this is life.

For those of you in the same boat as us, I encourage you to take a look at your finances in a slightly different light. Remember this life is the only one you get, and any missed moments are ones you might not be able to get back. The memories you choose not to make today might not come back around tomorrow.

So take the time. Spend the money. Laugh a little.

LIVE. 

Next Steps

Remember when I said I’ve been keeping things on the quiet side? Well…. there has been one more aspect of my life that I’ve been keeping from everyone. (Sorry) For all who thought I’ve been sitting in my house since the move, no job, just twirling my thumbs…you are (oh so!) wrong.

Over the last six months I have been studying for a personal training certification through Ace. Monday through Friday was spent going to ‘school’ for hours on end, teaching myself through two full textbooks, online webinars, studying, stacks upon stacks of notecards, memorizing, studying, identifying diagrams, more studying, and everything in between. Last weekend I took the test and am thrilled to announce…

I passed!

You might be wondering why I kept it a secret, as only a few people knew. Literally, probably under five people. The truth is, I kept it a secret because I didn’t think I could do it. I never liked anatomy or science, I couldn’t learn body kinesthetics to save my life in school, but it has always been something in the back of my mind, something I’d entertain for a second and then disregard. I’ve had a very personal health journey over the past four years and it has changed my life. Now, I want that for others, and if I could help others become the best they can be that’s all I could ask for.

So what’s next in my life?

This actually might surprise you: I’m going to have a baby. That’s right, I worked really hard for a certification that I’m going to sit on for a while. With everything that has happened in the past few weeks, finally taking the test and passing, I really haven’t thought about all the things I need to do to prepare for baby. Yet here we are, in the third trimester, and this little miss doesn’t have a thing. Guys, we haven’t even registered. So…game on! I’m going to focus on this next step of being a mom. Prepping for her arrival, getting all the essentials, starting to research what to expect over the next few weeks/months. And I can not wait!

Onto the next…

Let Me Apologize

As life always does get in the way, the past month (2 weeks in particular) have been insane and sadly not in the best way. Greg, baby, and I have hardly had a chance to breathe and we are now in the process of trying to get back to ‘normal’ life.

So please accept my apology.

I know I haven’t written in over a month and trust me by Monday I plan on shooting posts out more regularly. Stick with me, give me a second chance and stop back next week.

All my love,

Me.

To Be the Best I Can Be…

…at being a……

MOM!!!

(Insert time for you to gasp, cry, scream, laugh, or any other emotion you might have)

That’s right readers, Greg and I have been keeping a pear shaped secret from you for a while now! We’re expecting!

Everything I have posted over the past few months has been true, but it’s all been only part of the truth. Now, I want look back and give you a glass door peek into our lives throughout this journey so far.

Remember the post about my high school reunion? (Yeah, let’s go that far back) Greg and I  decided to start trying with the thought that we would love to have our first child around the time of our second anniversary (July 2018) and while there were some symptoms as of early September that I was pregnant I wasn’t completely sure. We met with friends up in Indy to go to a Colt’s game and I specifically remember cramping and thinking okay it was a false alarm, clearly it wasn’t supposed to happen this month. Greg then traveled that week for work, leaving me to my own thoughts and Google (a decidedly dangerous combination). By Wednesday, on the phone with him I stated “When you get back we are either taking a pregnancy test, or taking me to the hospital, because something is up.” On a side note, Greg had asked to be apart of the whole process, he didn’t want to be surprised with a pregnancy, he wanted to know when I thought it was a possibility and to be there when I took the test. He arrived home late that next day and we rushed upstairs. No joke, I couldn’t even come out of the bathroom before both lines were clear as day. “We’re pregnant!” I exclaimed before combusting into a puddle of tears in my husband’s arms. Insert two very long weeks of pretty much ignoring all of our friends and family. We decided it would be best to go to the doctor, confirm the baby was safe and healthy before starting to tell family, so I literally spent 14 days hardly responding to texts, ignoring many of my family’s phone calls and living in this secret world with Greg. It was incredibly hard, and yet incredibly sweet. Heck, I went with my best friend and her husband to our high school reunion, at a bar, and didn’t drink…. please observe Hint #1.

Our first baby Dr appointment was on a Friday and we wasted no time. By Saturday afternoon Greg and I were at the airport flying to FL to grab a rental car and surprise my parents and family. This was not easy. If you know anything about me, you know I can’t keep secrets, so texting my mom while knowing I was currently sitting at a Culver’s less than 5 miles away from her was torture. Greg’s parents are snowbirds in FL 6 months of the year so within 48 hours we went from being the only ones who knew to surprising my parents, my sister, her husband and kids, and his parents with our wonderful news. Looking back on that weekend I am still to this day amazed we were able to pull it off and exhausted by how much running around we did in such a short period of time. Note, those of you expecting or wanting to get pregnant soon, take my advice, nausea at 6 weeks pregnant and flying do not go together well.

From there we told my other sister and Greg’s brother and soon after close friends. We didn’t publicly announce the baby on social media until I was into my second trimester to be safe. I knew I wanted to tell those who would stand beside us and mourn with us if something were to have happened before that.

Oh yeah, remember Thanksgiving? That’s right, I was well into my morning all day sickness at this point, but thankfully was well enough to pretty much handle the meal. Yes, the sight of the turkey had me running for the bathroom, and the smell of the garlic at 9 AM wasn’t the best, but I was incredibly blessed to say that there was another one joining us for the celebrations.

So now what? Is this ‘marriage’ blog suddenly going to be filled with anything and everything pregnancy/baby? No. At least, thats my hope. I want to be honest (as always) about what is happening to me and to us throughout this journey, which will include a lot of new changes. But I want to stick to my original plan. I want to talk about the challenges and even hardships that a baby will bring about in our marriage, or unexpected battles we encounter to fight against.

As we close I want to ask a few things of you (I know, I know, it’s like homework, but bear with me):

  1. I ask for prayers for me, for Greg, and for this baby.
  2. I ask you to stick with me. I’m not sure where you are in your journey, you might be a single teenager, half of a married couple trying to have kids, a mom living in the thick of the new stages I will be coming into, or someone who has raised their kids and is an empty nester. I believe that no matter where you are, stories can connect us.
  3. Give me feedback/criticism when you feel fit. I have been slacking on food posts like I promised and I will probably slack on marriage posts too. If you feel I am too ‘baby-centric’ please feel free to gently tell me. I promise to listen and to take your words into consideration.

I am so grateful for this platform to share our story and everything that is still to come!

 

What the Turkey Taught Me (Thanksgiving Lessons)

We laughed, hard.

We ate, a lot.

We enjoyed, everything.

Friends, while I will say Thanksgiving wasn’t the easiest (or cheapest) thing to complete I am so incredibly happy with how it turned out.

Things I learned:

  • Hitting the grocery on the Tuesday before turkey day is the time to go
  • Prepping food (like pies) on Wednesday was a life saver
  • Enjoy the morning, drink the coffee, watch the parade, relax for just a little while
  • Prioritize things that can be completed early, reheated, or things that are okay to be made and left out
  • Little details matter; anything you can get done ahead of time should be (i.e. things like cutting the butter and putting it on the table early enough to not be forgotten but late enough to not melt)
  • No matter how much you attempt to coordinate timing, once the turkey is ready to come out of the oven everything else is bound to be done at exactly the same moment as well.
  • Delegate. Delegate. Delegate. It really is okay to ask your brother-in-law to get the water out of the fridge and fill the cups.
  • Stress is a waste of time.
  • It will all turn out. It won’t be perfect, but it will be your kind of wonderful.

I hope everyone had a glorious Thanksgiving, an insane Black Friday, and a crazy Cyber Monday.

Now, bring on Christmas!

Family+Family=Family

I have two older sisters who are both married, one with kids. I was the baby of the family. We are the very definition of a close family. Greg’s family is the exact same way, except adding me was more of an adjustment.

Greg is the oldest sibling of two and the first to get married, including his extended family. Not only is this completely new to his family, I also took them from 4 people to 5. For those of you who think this isn’t a big deal; trust me it is. Games no longer can be played with equal teams, dinner outings are never as easy, and oh yeah, I’m the only girl, so that brings its own hurtles.

Until now.

Greg’s younger brother is bringing his new girlfriend over this weekend to celebrate Father’s Day and to meet us. She has already met his parents but not Greg or me….. can I say I’m nervous? Because I’m nervous. Michael (his brother) likes to keep to himself so the fact that he is dating is a wonderful thing, but what if I don’t like her? Or what if I do like her and it doesn’t work out? I become attached too easily; its a gift and a curse.

All the while, now I get to see everyone on their best behavior again and I won’t be the one trying to impress 🙂 The joys of being out of the dating life, am I right?!

All of the obstacles I faced taking my in-laws from a family of 4 to 5 are finally settled; we got in a rhythm, we figured things out and it’s all changing. Now we are moving to 6…yikes!

Stayed tuned, because even I don’t know how this will turn out!