End in Sight

I’m at what I would consider to be the ‘contradicting’ part of my pregnancy. Everything I think/feel can be debunked by the next emotion/thought that crosses my mind. Pregnancy hormones kicking in? Probably. Absolutely.

  • Days are being beat by a snail to the finish line while weeks seem to be flying: I can’t believe that we are quickly approaching the final days left in this pregnancy and yet most weeks by Wednesday I can’t believe it isn’t the weekend. I’m so tired of waiting, thinking today could be the day, or that pain could be the start of something. Stuck in between this ‘old life’ and ‘new life’.
  • Her kicking sometimes legitimately hurts and I find myself thinking I won’t miss the pain, while I am brought to tears by the fact that in a matter of days she will be in my arms instead of living safely inside my stomach.
  • Greg and I are starting to think each night ‘this could be our last night of a family of 2(+dog)’. Sometimes it makes my heart skip a beat and brings a smile to my face, other times it makes me want to curl up in a ball, put my head on his shoulder, cuddle Moose and dare time not to move forward.
  • I am starving 99.9% of the time and yet my stomach feels like it’s the size of a pea so after a few bites not only am I overly full but heartburn is real ya’ll.
  • I crave my ‘normal’ schedule, especially when it comes to my workouts and yet I know life will never look the way that it used to. There will be a new normal that will look drastically different that anything I could even imagine.
  • I’m ready for her to just be here and yet frightened of her actually being here.
  • Sleeping doesn’t happen much over an hour or so. Hips and back pain occur when I lie on my side (only way I can lay nowadays) and yet flipping isn’t something I can do while staying asleep and yet I know these pains will be transformed into feedings that wake me from my slumber every few hours.

And those are all just physical things…now on to the mental craziness.

I have always been an anxious person; childhood-teen-adult anxiety has never been something I haven’t had to fight head on. I vowed throughout this pregnancy to take a breath, relax and attempt to not stress so much for the sake of her and me. I feel as though I’ve done a fairly good job. I’m not like the pregnant woman in most Blockbuster films. I’m not shoving my face with ice cream at 2 in the morning, I don’t break out in a fit of rage when something doesn’t go my way, and despite what you might believe I actually don’t find myself crying into the pillow everyday over something small.

I’ve been proud of myself throughout this journey.

Yet, here we are at the end, and every thought about the upcoming arrival of our daughter that has been pushed to the side is becoming a reality and I’m finding myself unable to keep them at bay. I’m no stranger to pain (battling with kidney stones I feel like I have the right to say that) and yet knowing that I am quickly approaching more pain than I have ever felt before in my life is starting to freak me out. Going natural vs a c-section has never been a question in my mind and yet here I sit wishing there was a better third option because neither of those sound great to me right now. Judge me all you want, but yes I will take the drugs. All the drugs. But while sitting on the couch last night I suddenly realized exactly what that meant and panicked at the thought of a needle going into my spine. Never mind the fact that all of our family and friends that will be coming in for the delivery are no closer than an hour away, and because we have no idea when this all could happen I’m debilitated by the thoughts that no one makes it in time (while balancing the thoughts of having everyone here waiting around twirling their fingers, wasting time off because I have her a week and a half late). We have taken the parenting classes and while I feel somewhat prepared I can say I’ve taken more of the ‘ignorance is bliss’ mindset. I know what’s coming but I’d rather just not think about it.

Recently though… I’ve been thinking about it.

This has to be normal for all moms, first time or not, and I can’t for one second let my mind believe the lie that I am the only person to ever suddenly be worried/anxious/scared. So why am I sharing all of this with you? Part of me would love to say I’m writing this to let all the pregnant mommas our there to know they aren’t alone in their thoughts of fear. In reality this post is more for me to get it off my chest. To admit to knowing that while I have no control over much of the situation I also want to confess to believing it will work out the way it is supposed to.

Asking for thoughts and prayers as I go through the never-ending days and battle the physical/mental struggle that is called end of pregnancy.


TV Guide- 2018 Edition

Early last year I wrote a post about the shows Greg and I were watching at the time and got a lot of feedback from you readers about what you watch! So I figured I would update you on our newest binge-worthy shows, and you can update me as well!

(Same as before, list in no particular order)

  • Designated Survivor*– We are still watching this. Though the newest season hasn’t been as great as the first, the twists and turns have kept us coming back for more!
  • This is Us- Dying for the new season to start, but who isn’t, right?!
  • New Girl- I am forcing us to watch this final season slowly, so we are purposefully behind. I’m not ready to let it go just yet!
  • Modern Family- We fell behind on this one but are all caught up now. To be honest, this show has become less of a ‘must watch’ and more of a throw away show for a quick 30-minute mental break. Sadly, I believe we are on the downswing of this sitcom.
  • Alex, Inc.- Scrubs was one of my all-time favorite comedies, so when I heard Zach Braff was going to be back on the small screen I had to tune in. This is no Scrubs. But we haven’t stopped watching it yet either.
  • Baking Championships- Kids, Spring, Holiday, really any of them we follow on Food Network. We enjoy the amateurs over the professionals and as always we enjoy watching anything that includes cake.
  • Guy’s Grocery Games/Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives- I could spend hours of my life watching Guy Fieri’s food shows!
  • Big Bang- After being seasons behind for YEARS (I started late and Greg was nice enough to start over with me) we are finally on the season that just finished. It’s still a good show but definitely not what it used to be.
  • Shark Tank- Always. A. Favorite.
  • Impractical Jokers- We have come to love this show over the past few seasons and have found ourselves watching reruns that we have seen multiple times just because they can still make us laugh. Joe, Q, Murry and Sal… we thank you.

With the weather getting warmer we won’t spend as much time inside during the evenings but we are always looking for new shows! What have you been watching lately?


*This was just cancelled BUT Hulu, Amazon, and Netflix are in talks about picking it up and after watching the season finale we are DYING for someone to have a season 3!

Pregnantly Married

Marriage is a constantly changing relationship; every day it’s a little give and a little take. Add pregnancy hormones into the mix and I’m sure I’ve been taking more than giving lately. While I have only been pregnant once and this experience is not over yet I wanted to take a post and dedicate it to a look at married life while expecting.

For the most part I try really hard not to let me being pregnant change much of about our day to day, “normal” life. Things might take me a little while longer to complete, something might stay on the floor until I drop something else by it to bend down and pick up two items instead of one, or a simple walk might last a few extra minutes, but I try really hard to not be the reason for plans changing. I don’t want pity and I don’t want to give excuses. To outsiders that is. For Greg, it’s a much different story.

I can’t say that I am one of those women who ‘love being pregnant’ and to be honest I’m not even sure what that means. Because I try to keep life looking the same, aside from the aches and pains, extra weight, and rib kicks I don’t feel much different. Who knows, maybe I’m not doing pregnancy right? Can I do it wrong? I’m really not sure. I don’t find myself giving in to late night cravings (Greg hasn’t been asked to run out at midnight for ice cream), I don’t really give myself extra grace in day to day life events, it isn’t the best time of my life. Does that mean that I’m not enjoying it? No. Does that mean I’m not excited for this journey and the next one to come? Of course not. It just means maybe I don’t love suddenly feeling so stressed and behind on all the things that have to be done in the next few weeks. Maybe that means I don’t love waking up every time I try to roll over in bed because my hips hurt. Or maybe that just means that I am overwhelmed sometimes by fear that I will be unable to take on this huge responsibility.

Greg gets the worst of all this, too.

On pre-pregnancy date nights I used to feel guilty for wearing jeans instead of cute pants or dresses; now he’s lucky if I’m not wearing yoga pants with holes, or if we go out at all. He is also on the other end of the midnight vent sessions or compulsive online shopping trying to prepare for the ‘what-if’ scenarios going on in my head. He deals with the complaining on the aches and pains that seem to be all day long now. This puts a strain on our relationship and it’s hard. I’ve got a great husband, who will be the absolute best dad. He gives me grace and compliments, isn’t afraid to tell me when I need to stop or take a break because I’m doing too much, walks slower and picks things up off the ground when I don’t want to bend over. Sometimes I find myself forgetting he is in the transition stage too. His life is about to be rocked just like mine and I know I don’t ask him enough about how he is mentally/emotionally doing or preparing for the arrival.

Being married and pregnant is also really great, too. We lay in bed each night and watch as my stomach twists and turns with every movement of our child. We daydream of what kind of person she might be, her interests or hobbies, whether or not we can talk her into playing what we consider fun sports. We laugh at how many times I ask the same question over and over again because I completely forget the answer. We thank God for this amazing creation He has gifted us with, marveling in the fact that regardless of the future we were chosen as her parents. He and I get to discuss life and make decisions for our little family, allowing others to have an input but getting a final say in what we believe will be best.

Just like in everything, while things may be harder in our marriage because we are expecting, they can also be really great too.

Cooking: My Creation

There have been many things about pregnancy that have changed my life but surprisingly the list of ‘do not eat’ foods hasn’t really been one. A lot of the things that they say I can’t have were either 1) not hard for me to give up (alcohol) or, 2) foods I didn’t eat anyways so it was a moot point (I’m looking at you, fish). And yet, here I am 7 months pregnant, dying over every Subway commercial/sign I see. Do I like deli meat? Not in particular, but holy freaking cow do I need it. So after almost a month of debating going to Subway (just for a veggie sandwich), but always deciding against because it really wouldn’t make life any easier, and after scouring Pinterest for a recipe, I decided I would just create my own panini. And…WOW! Let’s just say I could start my own restaurant based solely on this sandwich…. almost. Lucky for you, I’m going to teach you how to make it 😉

I started off with plain old wheat bread (because why spend $4 on a loaf of nicer bread for just 1 meal??) and spread Private Selection Sriracha Aioli on both pieces (so good even by itself; I used it as a dip for a snack the next day). Next I took Kroger brand black forest shredded turkey (heated because, well, pregnancy) and topped that with shredded pepper jack cheese (anything for more heat). My sandwich also included a layer of avocado slices while Greg’s was finished with crispy bacon. Don’t have a panini maker? Us either, so after assembling both sandwiches I tossed them on the George Foreman grill for a few minutes to toast together. That simple and easy sandwich not only helped with my craving but might become a staple in our house. (Pictured below, Greg’s is the one with the small piece of bacon on top. Oh and don’t judge the paper plates, I had forgotten to run the dishwasher that night. Oops!) I will call it cheap-ish because the aioli was around $4, but with just being used as a spread there is so much left over that it can be used for many different things. All the different flavors and textures, the heat and the crunch, I would have paid upwards of $10 to get that in a restaurant.

Give it a try and let me know what you think! Or send me your own hot deli sandwich recipes and I will for sure make and post about them!


This is Life

Since finding out we were having a baby Greg and I have focused on planning for the future, investing, saving more, really being financially focused and smart. We want to get ourselves in the best possible position for emergencies in addition to having the sort of space that gives us peace of mind and freedom.

All of these things are good and yet… we realized we aren’t living. 

Throughout the events of the last month, we have come to realize we’re holding onto the reigns a little too tight. (When I say ‘we’ I mean ‘I’ since I’m really the one overly-concerned with financial issues.  Being a one income family right now, I feel like I can contribute by saving, couponing, and cutting back.) Things like hair cuts, nail days, any kinds of unnecessary clothing, date nights, going out to eat; these things don’t exist right now in our household. My heart is in the right place and yet I just don’t think this is the way life is meant to be lived.

Last week my cousin got married. It was a gorgeous ceremony overlooking a creek right by the mountains in Oregon, and we were there to witness it. We took on the financial expenses, traveled across the country to a place we had never been, and we lived. We wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else. Now am I saying we are going to travel the world, throwing money out the window as we go? Of course not! But I want to give ourselves the ability to remember the important things. As I sat there watching my cousin say ‘I do’ to the love of her life, with family whom I haven’t seen in years by my side, I had to smile as it occurred to me: this is life.

For those of you in the same boat as us, I encourage you to take a look at your finances in a slightly different light. Remember this life is the only one you get, and any missed moments are ones you might not be able to get back. The memories you choose not to make today might not come back around tomorrow.

So take the time. Spend the money. Laugh a little.


Next Steps

Remember when I said I’ve been keeping things on the quiet side? Well…. there has been one more aspect of my life that I’ve been keeping from everyone. (Sorry) For all who thought I’ve been sitting in my house since the move, no job, just twirling my thumbs…you are (oh so!) wrong.

Over the last six months I have been studying for a personal training certification through Ace. Monday through Friday was spent going to ‘school’ for hours on end, teaching myself through two full textbooks, online webinars, studying, stacks upon stacks of notecards, memorizing, studying, identifying diagrams, more studying, and everything in between. Last weekend I took the test and am thrilled to announce…

I passed!

You might be wondering why I kept it a secret, as only a few people knew. Literally, probably under five people. The truth is, I kept it a secret because I didn’t think I could do it. I never liked anatomy or science, I couldn’t learn body kinesthetics to save my life in school, but it has always been something in the back of my mind, something I’d entertain for a second and then disregard. I’ve had a very personal health journey over the past four years and it has changed my life. Now, I want that for others, and if I could help others become the best they can be that’s all I could ask for.

So what’s next in my life?

This actually might surprise you: I’m going to have a baby. That’s right, I worked really hard for a certification that I’m going to sit on for a while. With everything that has happened in the past few weeks, finally taking the test and passing, I really haven’t thought about all the things I need to do to prepare for baby. Yet here we are, in the third trimester, and this little miss doesn’t have a thing. Guys, we haven’t even registered. So…game on! I’m going to focus on this next step of being a mom. Prepping for her arrival, getting all the essentials, starting to research what to expect over the next few weeks/months. And I can not wait!

Onto the next…

Let Me Apologize

As life always does get in the way, the past month (2 weeks in particular) have been insane and sadly not in the best way. Greg, baby, and I have hardly had a chance to breathe and we are now in the process of trying to get back to ‘normal’ life.

So please accept my apology.

I know I haven’t written in over a month and trust me by Monday I plan on shooting posts out more regularly. Stick with me, give me a second chance and stop back next week.

All my love,