Mid-Year Resolution

I might be slightly late because the year is more than half over, but I’m making my own rules. I’ve decided I’m going to make a mid-year resolution this year, to add to the others that I’m behind on.

Throughout this journey I have repeatedly let myself get in my own head. As I stated in my previous post I find myself thinking of me a lot lately and I don’t like who I am right now; in my head those things are not just maybe-sort-of related. No, there’s a direct correlation.

A correlation I am going to change. 

I have decided to stop thinking of myself and start thinking of others… not the way people say they ‘want to change,’ but then don’t do anything about it. I actually want to. I want to love, honor, respect and encourage others. I want to make people feel heard and let them know they matter. Because they do.

Because you do. You matter. 

What does this look like? For me, it’s a few things.

  • When I see friends celebrate a big accomplishment on any social media, I don’t want to be afraid to comment. I want to celebrate and be joyful with them (even if it’s just on social media)
  • I will pray for you.’ When I say these words I want to actually pray for them. I usually make a blanket statement but truthfully I want to come before the Throne in prayer, asking on behalf of __(use their name)__ for this specific, detailed, reason. I want to mean it, and follow up to see if there are any changes or answered prayers.
  • Volunteer– I want to research this a little more, but I think I want to start giving my time to an organization that I stand behind, one I can get excited about.

Why do I want to do this?

I want to be a better wife/daughter/sister/friend/neighbor; everything. I want to focus on how I treat others in my world and less on how the world is treating me. Also, I’m selfish, and the more I see myself spending time with the Lord, trying to encourage others…I.Feel.Good. It’s a refreshing feeling.

Why am I telling you?

I am saying this more for accountability. I want to be true to my word and if I am going to be open about everything, I want to tell you where I want to see myself grow. I want to challenge myself without becoming stagnant or even worse, digressing. I want you to help me help myself.

Lastly, I want to stay true to this blog. I promised complete openness and honesty. And my hope, my true prayer, is if even just one person feels not alone in their thoughts/emotions/situations because of something I have said written…. I have done my job.

That is why I write…..that is what makes it all worth while for me.

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Cooking: Reese’s

Sometimes when I am in desperate need of a Reese’s Cup and I don’t have any at home, I make my own. Scoop some peanut butter right of out the container, eat a bit, tilt my head back and drop in chocolate chips. I am so disgusting, I know. It isn’t my fault though, I grew up seeing my dad eat peanut butter by the spoonful. So I guess you could say this is in my blood, right? Yeah, let’s go with that.

In the pursuit of ‘healthier eating,’ however, I have found a new recipe to fulfill my cravings while also not slowly killing me.  And now, may I introduce you to the healthier version of the delicious Hershey snack.

IMG_7893

Simply made of dark chocolate chips (I also made a batch with milk chocolate chips for a cheaper route. Verdict? Just as tasty/a little less healthy), natural peanut butter, and coconut milk. That’s right, only 3 ingredients and with a baking time less than 20 minutes (mostly in the freezer) it really doesn’t get much better than this!

As always, you can find this recipe in its entirety on my Pinterest page.

To all my peanut butter loving readers, enjoy! 😉

(Dis)Content

Disclaimer: this post will be jumbled and may not make any sense, or it might make complete sense to some of you. But either way, this is my heart and mind right now, and I just have to share it. So, here goes…

Do you ever feel like you are just waiting for this time to pass wishing this season of life away because you’re ready to move to the next one? That you’re so discontent you can’t wait to see what’s next?

I do.

A lot.

Which is crazy, right?! I mean I’ve hardly been able to catch a breath with the move and yet I’m so ready to see what’s next. Since we moved, I’ve transitioned away from my previous job, and now that this has come to an end I just want to know what is next for me. Do I want to go into another career job? Do I want to stay in accounting/finance? Do I want to get back into teaching? Should I use this time as a short break (as originally intended) to give myself time to acclimate into a new town/new house? Do I want to do something totally and completely different, use this time to start fresh? Maybe get a certification in another field, one I don’t have any experience in but could end up being my passion? Something like writing? Or wait, is my end goal to be a stay at home mom, and if so doesn’t it make more sense for me to get a short term job and bring in some income until I get pregnant and have the baby? (AND AM I SERIOUSLY TALKING ABOUT HAVING A BABY RIGHT NOW?????)

I.Don’t.Freaking.Know.*

Since I’m at home every day I take care of the house, the laundry, the meals and yet I wonder, am I doing all of these things to be a ‘good wife,’ or perhaps because I think it’s what’s expected of me? Am I just making up for the fact that I don’t have a full time job right now?

OR do I do all of these things to be thanked? Am I selfishly doing everything around the house when Greg is gone from work because I want him to come home and give me gratitude? Is this why I get defensive when he asks ‘what I’ve done today’ or if I have done something I hadn’t completed yet? Am I looking at all of these things to be praised? Maybe I’m not doing these things to be a wife/part of a team at all; maybe I’m only thinking of myself.

The hard truth is I don’t like who I am right now. I don’t like being unhappy, sad, quick to anger. I jokingly say ‘I’m not the easiest person to live with right now,’ but I’m actually not joking at all. I know I’m not making things easy. He really can’t win with me. I’m all over the place.

So there it is, everything I needed to get off my chest, to allow myself to say. While I’m giving myself time to grieve and figure out what’s next I feel like I’m asking too much of myself.

We’re okay right now without me having a job, the house doesn’t have to look perfect every single day, and the boxes are fine since we haven’t been here more than two months. Everything will eventually be put away. I need to be proud of myself for not running back to the place I’m so familiar with, getting out of bed, putting on real (sometimes just work out) clothes and ‘adulting.’

But then on the other hand, I feel I’m babying myself too much. Suck it up, Kelsie. Sure, you moved, but so what, that’s just something people do! Grow up, start making new relationships, love this season God has placed you in, wear freaking jeans for once and… ENJOY…this!

Love your husband well, fight this feeling of self pity.

Be thankful. Be joyful. Love well.

*All I do know is… I am one hot mess.

 

& Forever to go

Greg,

I can’t believe I’m writing this. It’s not that I can’t believe we made it a year, it’s that the year has gone so fast.

4 seasons, 8,760 hours, 2 moves, 1 new town. And…. we made it.

Some days I feel as though we have literally never been more in sync. We don’t even have to finish each other’s sentences; sometimes I can tell exactly what you’re thinking simply with a look. Those are the days you makes me laugh until I snort, when I can feel myself missing you even though you’re just at work, or just in the next room. These are the days that I look at you and think, ‘I don’t deserve him’.

Then on other days I feel as though I didn’t really know every side of the man I married. You can make a comment that will completely catch me off guard, you will do something out of left field, you will choose the complete opposite that I would have ever guessed. I yell until I cry and I actually feel heart break. These are the still days that I look at you and think, ‘I don’t deserve him’.

My sweet husband, you put up with my crazy more than anyone else ever should/would/could. You have shown me an unthinkable amount of grace and love and kindness, especially in the last few months. You allow me to have adult-sized temper tantrums and still share the bed with me each night. I go from laughing to crying to being angry all within 6 seconds and you still hold me tight. You remind me that you are on my team, that I am not alone, and that it will all be okay.

But I love you for more than just the ways you love me. 

I love you because of the man that you are, in all aspects, and the woman that you make me want to become. I will continue to strive, for the rest of my life, to be the type of woman that would deserve a man like you.

‘The first year is the hardest’ is a saying we’ve heard a lot over the past 365 days and yet I wouldn’t have wanted to experience it all with anyone else.

Coff to the EE (Starbucks Version)

tenor

Hi, my name is Kelsie. I’m addicted to coffee (and I don’t want it to end).

This is a new revelation for me. When I used to think about coffee my mind would go to my mom’s stale breath every morning (sorry mom) and the smell of no-so-freshly-ground Folgers. That is not (and probably never will be) my thing. Call me a coffee addict, call me a coffee snob, call me whatever you want. The reality is…

…I love me some Starbucks.

Like, LOVE LOVE LOVE. I love the fixings, the toppings, and the sugar (andofcourseIlovethecaffeinebecausewhowouldn’tloveallthatcaffeine!!!!???!!!)  that come in Starbucks drinks, but I really struggled between getting what I love and getting something that meant I was spending all my daily allotted calories. At once. Also, I could drink cold drinks in a blizzard, so I’m partial to iced.

So…for all of you out there just like me, I did some experimenting and these are my favorite drinks that won’t wreck your diet!

(all calories are based on a grande size)
  1. Iced Cinnamon Almondmilk Macchiato-  This is new and goodness I hope it stays forever!! Super sweet (sometimes I ask for 1/2 the syrup) but the cream of the almond milk with the pinch of cinnamon. I video taped myself tasting it the first time and sent it to Steven (my editor), it was one for the books. Coming in at only 190 calories, I usually find myself splurging for the venti because I just can’t get enough!
  2. Iced (or hot) Caramel Macchiato- Creamy and smooth, sweet without being overbearing; made with non-fat milk is only 200 calories, almond milk brings you down to 170.
  3. Java Chip Light Frappuccino- made with nonfat milk, gives you all the goodness of the chocolate even added with java chips brings you only to 210 calories, and worth every one!
  4. Caramel Light Frappuccino- 140 calories….need I say more?
  5. Vanilla Latte- Swapped out with nonfat milk totals 200 calories. I have heard this is good iced as well, but I haven’t tried that yet.
  6. Finishing my list with the classic Iced Vanilla Coffee- this is as close-to-regular-coffee as I can handle it. When I need a pick-me-up that rings in at $3, this is my go-to. And without creamer it’s only 80 calories, so sometimes I go home and add my vanilla almond milk creamer because I know I have enough to spare!

Drinks I can’t wait to try:

  • Midnight Mint Mocha Frappuccino- I can’t say no to mint and I’m totally prepared to waste my calories on this, because trust me it isn’t below 200!
  • Vanilla Sweet Cream Cold Brew- Love me some cold brew, just haven’t gotten around to trying this yet
  • Toasted Coconut Cold Brew- same as above
  • Coconutmilk Mocha Macchiato- Everytime I go to order this drink I find myself going back to the cinnamon version, listed above.
  • Steven would also kill me if I didn’t add his favorite to the list. Doubleshot on ice (one pump classic with either soy or breve, depending on mood) is his addiction of choice. I haven’t tried it, keep saying I will (and I will) but there will need to be a lot of milk added in mine!!

So there you have it! All the drinks I love (and can’t wait to love) in a list! I will be sure to keep you updated as I expand my addiction! If you have a favorite I haven’t tried or a drink you and the barista made up yourself that needs to be shared let me know!!

Family+Family=Family

I have two older sisters who are both married, one with kids. I was the baby of the family. We are the very definition of a close family. Greg’s family is the exact same way, except adding me was more of an adjustment.

Greg is the oldest sibling of two and the first to get married, including his extended family. Not only is this completely new to his family, I also took them from 4 people to 5. For those of you who think this isn’t a big deal; trust me it is. Games no longer can be played with equal teams, dinner outings are never as easy, and oh yeah, I’m the only girl, so that brings its own hurtles.

Until now.

Greg’s younger brother is bringing his new girlfriend over this weekend to celebrate Father’s Day and to meet us. She has already met his parents but not Greg or me….. can I say I’m nervous? Because I’m nervous. Michael (his brother) likes to keep to himself so the fact that he is dating is a wonderful thing, but what if I don’t like her? Or what if I do like her and it doesn’t work out? I become attached too easily; its a gift and a curse.

All the while, now I get to see everyone on their best behavior again and I won’t be the one trying to impress 🙂 The joys of being out of the dating life, am I right?!

All of the obstacles I faced taking my in-laws from a family of 4 to 5 are finally settled; we got in a rhythm, we figured things out and it’s all changing. Now we are moving to 6…yikes!

Stayed tuned, because even I don’t know how this will turn out!

Timeline

As of last month, Greg and I have been married longer than we were engaged, which is an incredibly fun thought to have.

Greg also calculated that we have been engaged/married for more time than we have known each other, as we got engaged a year and a half after dating.

I love this. 

I love having to pause and think what life was like before being married or engaged. I love that I really don’t remember life without Greg being by my side. I love even more knowing there won’t be a future without him there too.

I. Love. Us.