Marriage is a constantly changing relationship; every day it’s a little give and a little take. Add pregnancy hormones into the mix and I’m sure I’ve been taking more than giving lately. While I have only been pregnant once and this experience is not over yet I wanted to take a post and dedicate it to a look at married life while expecting.
For the most part I try really hard not to let me being pregnant change much of about our day to day, “normal” life. Things might take me a little while longer to complete, something might stay on the floor until I drop something else by it to bend down and pick up two items instead of one, or a simple walk might last a few extra minutes, but I try really hard to not be the reason for plans changing. I don’t want pity and I don’t want to give excuses. To outsiders that is. For Greg, it’s a much different story.
I can’t say that I am one of those women who ‘love being pregnant’ and to be honest I’m not even sure what that means. Because I try to keep life looking the same, aside from the aches and pains, extra weight, and rib kicks I don’t feel much different. Who knows, maybe I’m not doing pregnancy right? Can I do it wrong? I’m really not sure. I don’t find myself giving in to late night cravings (Greg hasn’t been asked to run out at midnight for ice cream), I don’t really give myself extra grace in day to day life events, it isn’t the best time of my life. Does that mean that I’m not enjoying it? No. Does that mean I’m not excited for this journey and the next one to come? Of course not. It just means maybe I don’t love suddenly feeling so stressed and behind on all the things that have to be done in the next few weeks. Maybe that means I don’t love waking up every time I try to roll over in bed because my hips hurt. Or maybe that just means that I am overwhelmed sometimes by fear that I will be unable to take on this huge responsibility.
Greg gets the worst of all this, too.
On pre-pregnancy date nights I used to feel guilty for wearing jeans instead of cute pants or dresses; now he’s lucky if I’m not wearing yoga pants with holes, or if we go out at all. He is also on the other end of the midnight vent sessions or compulsive online shopping trying to prepare for the ‘what-if’ scenarios going on in my head. He deals with the complaining on the aches and pains that seem to be all day long now. This puts a strain on our relationship and it’s hard. I’ve got a great husband, who will be the absolute best dad. He gives me grace and compliments, isn’t afraid to tell me when I need to stop or take a break because I’m doing too much, walks slower and picks things up off the ground when I don’t want to bend over. Sometimes I find myself forgetting he is in the transition stage too. His life is about to be rocked just like mine and I know I don’t ask him enough about how he is mentally/emotionally doing or preparing for the arrival.
Being married and pregnant is also really great, too. We lay in bed each night and watch as my stomach twists and turns with every movement of our child. We daydream of what kind of person she might be, her interests or hobbies, whether or not we can talk her into playing what we consider fun sports. We laugh at how many times I ask the same question over and over again because I completely forget the answer. We thank God for this amazing creation He has gifted us with, marveling in the fact that regardless of the future we were chosen as her parents. He and I get to discuss life and make decisions for our little family, allowing others to have an input but getting a final say in what we believe will be best.
Just like in everything, while things may be harder in our marriage because we are expecting, they can also be really great too.